You don’t have anything about evidence in it right now, or a “so what?” It indicates an essay that’s just going to explain what happens in the show (summarize it), and in fact that’s what happens. Right now, there’s basically no analysis in the essay — you are just going through the show chronologically and explaining that it’s funny and easily understood. Okay, but would anyone disagree with you about that? If not, then your thesis isn’t arguable — you need to pick out a more specific point, following the pattern of thinking I lead you through in the thesis development exercise. You’re heading in the right direction here, overall, but some more hard work and attention is needed to reach the At Standard level.
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