Healthy Grief

Week 7 – Healthy Grief

Perform a literature search on the grieving process, using readings from this module, the GCU Library, or other websites and materials at your disposal. Focus on the work of Kübler-Ross’ grieving process and the stages of grief.
Review the story of Job in the Bible, focusing on his suffering and grief. Examine how this story correlates to the grieving process defined by Kübler-Ross.
In a paper of 750-1,000 words, include the following:
1. Compare and contrast the grieving process as defined by Kübler-Ross and the story of Job with that of at least one other religion.
2. Compare the relationship and interaction between joy and the above grieving models and examples.
3. Relate your research to your own preferred method of handling grief. State whether your research has changed your view of grief.
Prepare this assignment according to the APA guidelines found in the APA Style Guide, located in the Student Success Center. An abstract is not required.
This assignment uses a grading rubric. Instructors will be using the rubric to grade the assignment; therefore, students should review the rubric prior to beginning the assignment to become familiar with the assignment criteria and expectations for successful completion of the assignment.

Module 5 Lecture

Understanding and Overcoming Grief
Introduction
Many people are uncomfortable interacting with people who are grieving deeply. Some avoid such encounters at all cost. Others try to say that all will be well, when in reality it will not. Some spout platitudes that they think are comforting, while others try to be philosophical about it and say that?no matter how bad it is now?”this too shall pass.” Cultures teach, in one way or another, that life is transitory, so there is no need to be overly concerned about things that cause exceptional happiness or sadness right now (Gangoli, n.d.). Unfortunately, words are often not comforting at all.
Although it may be true that life’s crises will pass in time, it is also true that grief is an important process that people experience time after time in life. Those who are grieving must be able to experience all of grief’s stages in order to move on in life in a healthy manner. Grief in the health care setting is often assumed to be related to death, but in reality, the grieving process relates to any loss. People who lose health, limbs, abilities, jobs, houses, friendships, and other relationships all experience a type of grief that should not be ignored. Grief follows a natural cycle of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance (Kübler-Ross, 1969).
Denial
The first natural stage of grief is denial. When people hear news of a loss, oftentimes they do not believe it is true at first. They will believe they will wake up from the nightmare or that the situation is not really as bad as they think. For example, when a person receives a cancer diagnosis, he or she may immediately go for a second opinion, hoping that the first report was inaccurate. A person who loses a job may wait by the phone expecting a call saying it was all a mistake. People have been known to call loved ones over and over, expecting them to pick up the phone even though their death has already been reported. These are all normal reactions to the grief people experience. The denial stage may last a short time or it may last months, and many times it recurs even after one has moved out of the stage for the first time. People who do not know that this is a normal part of the grieving process may wonder about their mental health when this happens, but they should be encouraged to know that their minds are giving them time to adjust to the news and that they will in time accept the grief as a matter of life.
Anger
After denial, when one can no longer act as if the news is false, a person moves into a second stage of grief that is characterized by anger. The anger may be directed toward the person who caused the loss, the one who experienced the loss, the one who was not careful enough to protect against the loss, or anyone who is nearby. No matter how irrational the anger, people blame themselves, the sick person, God, the driver, the passenger, the one who should have been the driver, the president, the boss, the doctor, or anyone else.
Doctors, nurses, paramedics, respiratory therapists, and other caregivers can feel the same anger that the patient and the patient’s loved ones feel. For example, a surgeon can experience anger as he deals with the death of one of his patients. Caregivers need to allow themselves to go through their own grieving process even though they may need to continue their work relatively uninterrupted. Individuals should be present with others going through the grieving process instead of attempting to fix that grief (Chapman, 2007).
Bargaining
As people move beyond the anger stage, they often try to bargain with themselves or God. They offer to change their way of living, give up a bad habit, trade something they love, or do something very difficult in exchange for a new opportunity, for a different outcome of the present situation. Grieving people try to bargain with what they do not control. They may not do this openly, but in their minds, they are trying to substitute what they are feeling in return for something valuable to them.
Depression
Since bargaining is out of their control, this stage easily gives way to depression, despondence, and hopelessness. The hole they find themselves in is unpleasant, but because of their hopelessness, they can wallow in their sadness for an extended time, either openly or silently, feeling like they have nowhere to turn. This stage of the process, as well as any previous stage, must run its course until the person gets to the point where he or she can see beyond the sadness that has engulfed them.
Acceptance
When the time comes that the person can see a glimmer of hope or a new focus for life, he or she moves into a peaceful stage of acceptance. It is not as though the pain is gone or the loss is any less, but rather that the person has realized that life has become a new type of normal, one without the person, ability, job, or health that was so important in life before the loss.
The Irony?Finding Joy in Grief
Is it possible to be joyous in the midst of challenging and difficult times? The Greek and Latin etymology of the word joy means to rejoice. Would rejoicing then be considered a way of taking action against grief? Therefore, finding joy in grief requires action. Following acceptance, it is important for a caregiver to determine what he or she can do to assist patients to pursue joy, such as joy in peace, conversations with loved ones, journaling of thoughts, and participating in activities that create memories. Therefore, joy will come in various forms from both the patient and the family. Joy can begin with the caregiver by demonstrating compassion, providing encouragement, or just sharing a smile, ultimately helping the patient to transition from tears of sadness to tears of joy.
Conclusion
This process of grief is normal and culminates in a new normalcy (Chapman, 2007). In no way can a caregiver, patient, or onlooker minimize the grief that characterizes the shocks and disappointments of life. The only way to respond is to be present with self and with others throughout the process. Words are unnecessary in many cases. A solution may not exist in many situations. The only real option is to continue to live, to allow yourself to grieve, to support those who are grieving with comforting presence, and to find hope in a renewed focus on life.
References
Chapman, E. (2007). The caregiver medications: Reflections on loving presence. Nashville: Vaughn Printing.
Gangoli, N. (n.d.). This too shall pass. Retrieved June 26, 2009, from http://1stholistic.com/prayer/A2005/hol_buddhism-this-too-shall-pass.htm
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying: What the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy, and their own families. New York: Macmillan.

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